Asking for a Friend: Help! My friends don’t talk that much in our group chat any more
Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to.
A group chat that is not as active any more can feel like your friendships are fading. But don’t lose hope, here is what you can do. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I feel like my main group chat has changed a lot since we started secondary school. We used to talk about everything, but now we just share random videos and things that I am not very interested in. Should I tell my friends how I feel, or should I pretend that everything’s OK?
Signed, Searching For Connection
Help! My classmates avoid me because I used to be a troublemaker
Dear Searching,
Thank you for sharing how you feel – opening up is brave. Friendships can go through changes, especially during big life transitions like starting secondary school. It is totally normal to feel out of sync with your friends sometimes.
Start a conversation
If you feel the group chat is not as active and heartfelt as it used to be, it is OK to bring it up. It does not have to be a big, serious conversation if you feel uncomfortable. Try bringing a different topic up in the group chat – like asking what is happening in everyone’s lives or sharing something you find important. Sometimes, a small nudge can encourage others to open up, too.
Share how you feel
If you are comfortable doing it, try to share your feelings gently. You could say: “Hey, I miss when we used to chat about everything – what’s been going on with you guys lately?” That way, you focus on reconnecting rather than criticism, which can help keep the conversation positive. But remember, it’s OK if everyone does not feel the same way.
Connect somewhere else
Friendships can ebb and flow, and sometimes people connect in different ways. If the group chat is not meeting your needs right now, that does not mean your friendships are over. You might find it helpful to connect with one or two friends individually for deeper conversations, or even explore new friendships that align with how you are feeling.
The most important thing is to be true to yourself. Pretending everything is OK when it’s not can feel really lonely. Finding a way to express your feelings – even in small steps – can make a big difference. You have already taken the first step by talking about it here, and that is something to be proud of!
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Ken Fung, director of therapy and counselling at the Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre and founder of Your Relationship Clinic.